last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My dick has a subreddit
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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