It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I love having hate sex.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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