I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize