Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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