I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My liver just broke up with me...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
