yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
