did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
