marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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