Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
