Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize