Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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