Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
