I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
