No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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