I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
