Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
