I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
