I'm pants shitting drunk right now
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
