so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
