My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
