Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
