its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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