Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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