He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
