You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dicks are not precious.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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