My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
