Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
