I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
