Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
