You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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