mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She's the barista slut.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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