Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
