Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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