I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
