i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
