she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
