i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
