I want to make a zoo with you.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
