I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
