hotel room ftw
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
