So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
