youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dicks are not precious.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
