she was so not down for the gang bang
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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