Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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