they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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