I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
third nipple confirmed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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