I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
