What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
