my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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