you traded sex for a burrito?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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