dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
