we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
