All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
