You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
