Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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