I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
