Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
