mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My nipple is on Facebook.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize