Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
