So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
