i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
