my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
