Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
