was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Randomize
