Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
