what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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